Julie’s News from Maryland

My body does not like mosquitos on the east coast.  I learned this when here on vacation a few years ago.  The site of the bite often swells to a diameter of about 3 inches and looks very red and swollen.  They have even become infected requiring a treatment of antibiotics.  Of course, I forget about this each year until the very first instance.  In this case, I got 8 bites on my legs at the parish BBQ last Sunday.  One of them is particularly bad, so I asked the employee health nurse in the hospital if a doctor should see it.  She confirmed that it looked infected and took me to “fast track” in the ER.  The Physician’s Assistant took a look and prescribed an antibiotic and prednisone to help reduce the reaction.  Since I wouldn’t be getting to a pharmacy all day, he gave me 60 mg of prednisone and one antibiotic.

About an hour and a half later I got dizzy and my vision narrowed into a tunnel.  My colleagues took me back to ER.  The PA and the nurse thought I was just hungry, so they checked me sugar and left me sitting for a few minutes.  All of a sudden I got really faint and put my head between my legs.  It didn’t get better after a long time and I couldn’t stand up to get anyone’s attention.  I fell forward from the chair to the floor, thinking maybe I could crawl forward past the curtain to ask for help.  The woman sitting next to me just starting to yell for help and they had me on a bed right away.   My wonderful classmates brought me some food and everyone practiced their best “pastoral care skills” - even my supervisor.  =)

The doctor told me that it was just a reaction to the prednisone and that I’d just have to wait it out.  It turns out that the “standard ER dose” of prednisone is 60 mg, but I probably only need about 10 or 20.  Plus, you’re not supposed to take it on an empty stomach - that might have been good to know before taking it.  The doctor told me to lay down and rest until it went away since all we could really do was wait it out.  By about 4:00 I was feeling lots better and was ready to leave. 

The ironic part of the whole thing is that my supervisor was going to tell me today that the ER is going to be my new assignment.  As she put it, “We don’t usually require our interns to go through such a rigorous orientation process on their new floors.” 

Last night I saw fireflies for the first time ever.  Being from California, I haven’t really had much opportunity to come across them.  I was sitting on the chapel lawn with a couple of friends chatting and I noticed little sparks around us.  It caught my attention and I thought maybe I was just seeing things.  I am awfully tired from CPE and thought maybe my eyes were just playing tricks on me.  But as it kept happening, I paid closer attention and could see that they were little flying bugs that were lighting up.  I’d heard about them and read about them, but it was so wild to see them.  They are very very cool.

If you are wondering why I’m doing a life changing program like CPE and the best I can do is post something about fireflies, that should give you an indication of just how grueling CPE is.  It is a wonderful program and I am learning a ton, but it is so taxing.  I continue to really be impressed with my supervisor and I love the other students and the great dynamic that we have as a group.  But, my brain is fried and there is not much left at the end of the day.  I manage to squeak out a little bit of energy for the children and then give the last little ounce to Rick and then I am just spent every day.  Add a little homework to that and it’s a wonder I can even write this much.  I was hoping that I’d be able to share really thoughtful reflections about my great learning experiences, but those reflections might have to wait a bit.  In the meantime, the fireflies brought a bit of delight to a heavy week.

The House of Bishops at the General Convention of the Episcopal Church elected Katharine Jefferts Schori as the 26th presiding bishop of the Episcopal Church. Many had speculated that she was just the “token woman” on the list of candidates, but she was elected today. Hurray! You can read news, including statements about her election, from the Episcopal News Service.

I am spending my summer doing Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE).  CPE is essentially a training program for hospital chaplains.  I pay tuition and I receive credits for completing the unit.  For 11 weeks I will work in a hospital with a group of other students.  We will spend about half of our time visiting patients and the other half of our time in classes and in group sessions where we review our work and discuss our progress.  I have almost completed my second week and have found it to be incredibly interesting, useful, rewarding, and exhausting.

Today I responded to my first ‘Code Blue’ call.  While in the hospital, one of the chaplains carries the ‘Code’ beeper.  This beeper calls the team of responders to any ‘Code’ emergency.  At the end of the day, as I was preparing to go home, we heard a ‘Code Blue’ called over the loud speaker system.  I asked our administrator who had the beeper since it was the end of the day and most of the full-time chaplains had left or were leaving.  The beeper started to chirp just as she said, “It is here on my desk.”  It seemed wise for someone to respond, so I headed towards the elevator not sure what to expect when I got there.

The patient that was having the emergency was on the far side of the room. The curtain was drawn, but I could see at least 8  people towards the end of the bed.  The equipment that they were using was loud and there was a terrible stench, though I couldn’t tell if that was coming from the hallway or from the patient’s room.  There was a gentleman standing in the hallway and I asked if he was a family member of the patient and he said, “No.”  At first I thought that there wouldn’t be much for me to do, but then I heard one of the other team members address the other patient in the room.  Oh, yeah!  Our instructor had said that part of our job might be to care for the other patient in the room as a code situation can be distressing for them. 

I walked into the room and introduced myself and told the patient that I was a chaplain.  I sat by her and she said that she was nervous.  I told her that I was a little nervous too.  We prayed together.  She had a book of crosswords, so we talked about that for a few minutes.  We chit-chatted a bit and then I asked if I could look more closely at the Bible she had next to her.  I remarked how nice it was and she asked if I would read it to her.  She told me to choose the selection, so I read Psalm 46 and Psalm 33.  Partly through Psalm 33, the machines on the other side of the curtain suddenly became quiet.  Many of the code team members left and the pace slowed considerably.  The gentleman in the hallway joined us and I learned that he was a relative of the woman with whom I had been talking.  I asked if she was feeling better and she confirmed that she was.  I also asked if she thought it would be ok for me to leave and she agreed that it would be fine.

I thought it might be a good idea to check on the patient that had coded, just in case he/she was concious and wanted to talk to me.  I peeked around the curtain and that is when I realized that she had died.  The remaining nursing staff was removing tubes and cleaning the body.  I said a little prayer and then headed back downstairs.   I finished my remaining bits of paperwork and headed home.

I must admit that it wasn’t particularly shocking or terrifying or upsetting for me.  I was humbled to be part of the team that responds to an emergency as I certainly don’t feel qualified yet to be part of such an important team.  I was grateful that I could be present to the other patient in the room as I think it was actually helpful for her to have me there.  I am relieved that I was able to experience my first code situation while my supervisor was in the building (just in case I was in real trouble and needed help) instead of when I am on-call and in the hospital alone this coming weekend.   I continue to take my own “emotional pulse” looking for signs of stress or anxiety.  At the very least, I am incredibly tired and should get some sleep before I start all over again in the morning.

You know you are getting old when you “remember a time when.”  I remember a time when I used to gather with a group of friends to watch the MTV Movie Awards.  We knew all of the artists that performed, we had seen most of the movies that were nominated, we were huge fans of all the actors that appeared.  Tonight, I happened to catch a re-run of this year’s awards show when I was flipping channels so I stopped to watch for a while.  I didn’t know any of the songs that we performed.   I hadn’t even heard of at least 50% of the movies that were nominated and I’ve only seen a couple of them.  Fortunately, I knew many of the actors, so I didn’t feel like I was totally out of touch with pop culture.

The winners are chosen by MTV viewers that vote for their favorites in each category.  The winner in the category for “Best Kiss” went to Brokeback Mountain as well as “Best Performance.”  I really took notice of this.  I would expect the MTV crowd to notice and award Brokeback Mountain for best picture or for a best performance, but for Best Kiss?  Don’t we expect our young people to be too immature to choose a gay kiss to win an award - especially up against Angelia Jolie and Brad Pitt in Mr. & Mrs. Smith?  What does this say about the next generation?  Can we assume that they are thoughtful enough to be making a political statement by awarding Brokeback Mountain the Best Kiss prize?  Do we think the other extreme - that they were being silly teenagers that were snickering while they chose the “gay” kiss?

This is the next generation.  I think it matters that they chose Brokeback Mountain.  I think it speaks volumes about their orientation to the world and to each other.   These are the future leaders of our communities, our country, and our world.  And these are the future parishioners in our churches.  These are the newcomers that will walk in our doors and wonder what we’re all about.  Are they going to tolerate the church’s theological debates about whether or not homosexuality is a sin?  Will they be willing to come back if we exclude them from communion if they aren’t baptized?  What are their perceptions going to be of the way that we worship?

These are the questions that keep me up at night.  How do we make the church relevant to this generation?  How do we make the gospel meaningful to this group of people?  How do we tell the story of Jesus without having them look at us like we are crazy?

I went shoe shopping the other day.  I’ve been told that it is critical to have “comfortable” shoes for CPE and the hospital requires closed toed shoes, of which I have very few.  So, out shopping I went.  I ended up buying two pair for school and another couple of pairs for summer.  I have never bought 4 pairs of shoes at once in my life.  In fact, at any given time in my life I’ve only owned four pairs of shoes.  I was feeling very strange about it.  It seemed so unreasonable to me to have so many pairs of shoes, but at the same time it seemed sort of necessary.  Then I realized that I was having one of those strange New York transition moments.  In New York, shoes are my mode of transportation.  We walk everywhere that we go - even when we take the subway, we have to walk several blocks to get there.  It matters that I have comfortable shoes that fit various occasions - rain, heat, snow, cold, etc.  The guilt of spending so much money on shoes quickly subsided when I realized how much cheaper it is to buy shoes than it is to put gasoline in a car these days.  =)