I generally make it a point not to post experiences unless they are my own, but this one is so hilarious that I can hardly stand it.
Rick was in the local Gristedes (a grocery store near us) that is notorious for its grumpy service. He approached the register with his few items and this was the conversation:
Rick: “Hi. How are you this evening?”
Checker lady: “I’ll be a hell of a lot better when I get out of this place.”
Ah. You gotta love New York.
There’s hope for me yet. My elective class this semester is The History of the Episcopal Church in the United States. It’s really a great class - and that’s a lot for me to say since I’m not really a history buff. But, the class is great and the instructor is great and I’m learning lots of fabulous trivia about the Episcopal church. Last night, we spent about 2 minutes (literally) talking about vestments. You know, those funny robes that priests wear during services. I learned that there have been a wide variety of practices around wearing or not wearing vestments over the past couple of hundred years. In fact, there hasn’t really been any sort of standard. AND, it turns out that there are no canonical rules about vestment wearing. So, basically, what that means is that there are no laws in the church that dictate the wearing of vestments. None. Zip. No rules that state that I have to wear outdated robes that make no sense to me.
Of course, I know, there are lots of local customs and some bishops have their own preferences for what they like their clergy to wear. And, I know, I can’t just go into some Anglo-Catholic parish and burn all of their beautiful vestments in protest, nor can I just refuse to wear them and throw everyone in a tizzy. But, this does mean that there is some hope for me - that if I find a place and a rector and a bishop that aren’t too fussy about it, I probably don’t have to wear the robes.
For about two weeks I’ve been struggling to find a topic for my 10 page final paper for this class. I think I have found it. I am going to research the history of vestment wearing in the Episcopal church.
I think I must be losing my mind. For some crazy reason, I thought it would be super fun to take the whole family in vans with 25 other seminarians to Virginia for a 24 hour trip. Eek. The trip turned out to be really a lot of fun, but man is it a ton of work to get a family of 4 out of the house for an overnight trip.
The official reason for the trip was for the annual football game between our seminary and the Virginia Theological Seminary. We had a very enthusiastic team this year and for the first time we were ahead in the first half of the game. They ended up winning 28-8, but we have never held them to such a low score before. In many respects it was a huge victory for our team.
Mostly I wanted to go on the trip because we spent the night at the Phillips’ house. It was so great to spend time with them. Holly was so gracious and wonderful, as she always is. Jonathan is as cute as a button. Claire is so grown-up and beautiful. It just rejuvinated my spirit so much to spend time with them. It was particularly special for me to be with Jonathan this weekend as Monday is his 5th birthday. I can’t believe that it has been 5 years since we flew to Washington to be there at his birth. All that turmoil and craziness and fear, it still amazes me that he has such a fabulous life. God is good all the time, all the time God is good.
It was hard for me to leave. I just wanted to snuggle up in Holly’s house and feel safe for a while. I wanted to be with family, with people that really know us and really love us in that way that long-timers do. There was such a feeling of relief and love in their house. Sigh. But, no time to stay. We all hopped back in the vans and returned home, arriving 25 hours after we left. It was a whirlwind trip and I’m totally beat, but totally glad I went.
It’s stewardship season! I must admit, I really love stewardship season. I love wrestling against the culture - sticking it to the man, taking back the prioritization of my world from the culture’s distortion and aligning it with God’s priorities. I love being reminded that I’m not responsible for everything, that all I have to do is take care of my little part. And, that God will provide me what I need to get it done. All I have to do is pay attention and use what God has given me wisely and to the service of others. It is always such a good reminder that it isn’t about me- it’s about God. God can do it - God is doing it. And, if I want, God will let me serve. Kevin says it so well in his latest post on his blog Rector’s Blog.
Interestingly enough, though, I am always wrestling with this. I thought that once I reached tithing it would be smooth sailing. I’d just be able to write my little check for 10% of my income and be done with it. Once I was used to it, it would be easy to keep doing, right? But every year it seems that I find another way to make it hard for myself. My wrestle this year is about how to tithe, or if to tithe, on the proceeds from the sale of the house. I am having such a debate with myself about it. I don’t tithe on the proceeds of other things that we sell - junk on eBay, the van that we sold last year, etc. But, the house money is different because we are using the house money as operating income. The house money was such a gift from God - heck buying a house was a little miracle from God that we only got once I got my stupid and ineffective plan out of the way. It just seems like we should tithe it. In fact, when we got the money last year, I decided that we’d tithe it as we used it: each time I withdraw money from it for tuition, housing, etc., I’d take enough extra to cover giving 10% of what I’d taken.
But, now that I’ve made a withdrawal to pay for school this year, I’m freaking out. It is such a huge chunk of money to give away. And, more importantly, I’m scared of running out of money. I’m scared that if I give 10% of it away that we won’t have enough. We won’t have enough to pay for school and housing this year and next year. What if I don’t get any more contract jobs? What if Rick’s income isn’t enough to cover household expenses this year? What will happen if we use all that money in seminary, will we ever buy another house again? (panic, heart rate increases, breathing gets fast, palms are sweaty)
And there it is: the culture of scarcity. That little tape in my head that says, “You won’t have enough. You don’t have enough. You need to keep it all to yourself.” That little voice that really does believe that it is my responsibility to take care of myself and my family. Who needs you God, when I have myself? And maybe that is my answer. Maybe I tithe on that money just because I am scared. Maybe I tithe that money because it will help me to remember that God provides for me and that if God has gotten us this far, God’s probably not going to abandon us next year or the year after. Tithing has always been an important discipline to remind me who is in charge here. But, then again, maybe I’m just too scared.
