Julie’s News from Maryland

It’s stewardship season! I must admit, I really love stewardship season. I love wrestling against the culture - sticking it to the man, taking back the prioritization of my world from the culture’s distortion and aligning it with God’s priorities. I love being reminded that I’m not responsible for everything, that all I have to do is take care of my little part. And, that God will provide me what I need to get it done. All I have to do is pay attention and use what God has given me wisely and to the service of others. It is always such a good reminder that it isn’t about me- it’s about God. God can do it - God is doing it. And, if I want, God will let me serve.  Kevin says it so well in his latest post on his blog Rector’s Blog. 

Interestingly enough, though, I am always wrestling with this. I thought that once I reached tithing it would be smooth sailing. I’d just be able to write my little check for 10% of my income and be done with it. Once I was used to it, it would be easy to keep doing, right? But every year it seems that I find another way to make it hard for myself. My wrestle this year is about how to tithe, or if to tithe, on the proceeds from the sale of the house. I am having such a debate with myself about it. I don’t tithe on the proceeds of other things that we sell - junk on eBay, the van that we sold last year, etc. But, the house money is different because we are using the house money as operating income. The house money was such a gift from God - heck buying a house was a little miracle from God that we only got once I got my stupid and ineffective plan out of the way. It just seems like we should tithe it. In fact, when we got the money last year, I decided that we’d tithe it as we used it: each time I withdraw money from it for tuition, housing, etc., I’d take enough extra to cover giving 10% of what I’d taken.

But, now that I’ve made a withdrawal to pay for school this year, I’m freaking out. It is such a huge chunk of money to give away. And, more importantly, I’m scared of running out of money. I’m scared that if I give 10% of it away that we won’t have enough. We won’t have enough to pay for school and housing this year and next year. What if I don’t get any more contract jobs? What if Rick’s income isn’t enough to cover household expenses this year? What will happen if we use all that money in seminary, will we ever buy another house again? (panic, heart rate increases, breathing gets fast, palms are sweaty)

And there it is: the culture of scarcity. That little tape in my head that says, “You won’t have enough. You don’t have enough. You need to keep it all to yourself.” That little voice that really does believe that it is my responsibility to take care of myself and my family. Who needs you God, when I have myself? And maybe that is my answer. Maybe I tithe on that money just because I am scared. Maybe I tithe that money because it will help me to remember that God provides for me and that if God has gotten us this far, God’s probably not going to abandon us next year or the year after. Tithing has always been an important discipline to remind me who is in charge here. But, then again, maybe I’m just too scared.