A Pair of Disappointments
Well, this week has met me with some disappointments. First, I returned from the weekend retreat to find an email from the Academic Affairs Office (AAO) that I had not been selected to attend the Third Millenium Christianity Conference that is being hosted by Going Forward Together. Last week, an email was sent to students announcing that two full scholarships were available and to let the AAO know if you wanted to attend. I sent email. I phoned. I spoke to people in person. I did all that I could to communicate how enthusiastic I was about this particular conference. In some ways, it felt critical to me. I feel so called to preach the gospel in the 21st century - to think about ways that we can make the church relevant in the new millenium. This conference so hits that nail on the head. But, I wasn’t selected to attend. I thought about going on my own, but we just can’t justify the expense these days. I haven’t worked in almost six months, so the extra money for things like this just doesn’t exist these days.
And, today the seminary community voted to elect the next Community Council President. As of early yesterday, there were just two candidates, myself and another woman in my class. Yesterday evening a third candidate was nominated. I got the call tonight from the Convener of Elections that not only had I not won, but that none of the candidates had received a “majority” vote, so no one was elected. Here’s the really bad part: I came in third, so the other two candidates will participate in a run-off election next week, but not me. Not only was I not elected, but I lost in the most humiliating sort of way.
I keep telling myself that I am a confident, intelligent, thoughtful human being who will be a great priest. I have great friends that are thoughtful and supportive and have said all the right things. But, somehow that little kid inside, that stupid 7th grader that always felt awkward and didn’t have any friends, feels rejected and is full of self-doubt.
