Julie’s News from Maryland

Whew. It’s been a busy couple of weeks. For spring break I went to Atlanta for a contract job and got stuck there for two extra days because of the snow storm on the East coast. I was only back for 3 days before I turned around and headed to Sacramento for a conference on stewardship and evangelism. Both trips were great, but the unexpected time away meant that I had to work extra hard to keep up with school work. Fortunately, two professors pushed back some assignments and that kept me from being hopelessly behind.

I got good news today - I have been invited to attend the Preaching Excellence Program in June in Philadelphia. From what I understand, students from many seminaries are invited to attend and learn more about preaching. Our preaching professor invited 12 of my classmates to attend. I’m so excited about it. I think preaching is so fun and I can’t wait to have the opportunity to practice and learn more about it. I’m also thrilled about the prospect of interacting with students from other seminaries. I rarely have the opportunity to do that and usually it is only by chance - if I happen to meet them at a conference or something.

I had another nice experience today. The Presiding Bishop, Katherine Jefferts Schori, was on campus today. I didn’t get to hear her speak because I had a class but I did get to hear her preach at the evening Eucharist. Ella wanted to come with me and I was very conflicted about what to do. The last time I brought the family to a Tuesday evening Eucharist it was a disaster, ending with me dragging the kids out in the middle of the Eucharistic prayer, Rick taking a crying Ella home while I went back and sobbed through the rest of the service. I’m so self-concious about my kids’ behavior in chapel that it is tough for me to know what to do. But, Ella seemed to be in a calm mood, so I opted to bring her, preparing myself for the option that we might need to leave if things got tough for her. She was a delight and mostly cuddled quietly on my lap during the service. At communion time, she quietly started to sing “Yellow Submarine” while we waited, but it wasn’t loud enough for anyone but our closest neighbors to hear, so it was fine. The best part of the service was when we were at the communion rail. The Presiding Bishop knelt down so that she was eye-to-eye with Ella when she gave her communion. It was such an amazingly pastoral thing to do - to meet Ella in her own physical space and offer her communion. It was really touching for me.

My high school publishes a newsletter periodically to update the alumni about various happenings at the school. The alumi department solicites information from graduates to include in the newsletter so that we can keep up with what is happening with our former classmates. Recently, my brother submitted information about himself and his partner, but upon receiving the newsletter discovered that the school had removed the information about his partner and only included information about Jay and his career. Sometime later, the school contacted Jay about making a donation. Jay sent an email explaining that he would not be contributing because he had been offended by a recent issue of the newsletter. Naturally, there was much rush to resolve any offense and several people contacted him to pursue his complaint. When he explained the nature of his issue, the dialogue ended immediately. No one even responded to the final email he sent that detailed what had happened.

Last week, I noticed that my email address was incorrect on the alumni page of the web site, so I sent an email asking that it be corrected. The director of the alumni department corrected it right away and sent me email asking me to submit information about myself and my family for the upcoming issue that will be sent this summer. Here is the email that I sent in reply:

Thank you for asking for an update about myself and my family. Unfortunately, I do not feel comfortable including my information in the Alum-Knight at this time. My brother has been discriminated against in the Alum-Knight recently and has brought it to the attention of several people. Initially a dialogue about his concerns was pursued, but eventually his emails were ignored. In light of the discrimination against him, I would feel that I was betraying him by flaunting my information in the Alum-Knight. It would not be fair or kind of me to do so. I am saddened that information about my family is requested when information about his family is dismissed.

God’s peace to you .

But, what I wonder is, does it really make a difference? I mean, this is the Catholic Church after all, it’s not like they are really grappling with this issue and on the cusp of change. My little email to the director of alumni relations at a small Catholic high school in small town California really doesn’t impact the Catholic Church at all. So, what was the point, I ask myself? I suppose first, and foremost, the point was to align myself with my brother and speak out about discrimination. One of the reasons that I left the Catholic Church in the first place was because I could no longer affiliate myself with an organization that discriminated so openly against women and gay people. Second, I hope that my little email reminds the people that read it that their actions are exclusionary. Even if they don’t personally agree with the Church’s official stance about homosexuality, they are in a position to enforce that discrimination in very real ways. They might not think of themselves as bigots because I am sure that they are nice people with lovely families that go to church every Sunday and live perfectly nice lives. I suppose the last, and maybe most important reason, is to remind myself that any discrimination is significant and I can’t just pretend like it doesn’t happen. Still, I can’t help feeling a little stupid doing something so trivial in response.

I had a day off today.  I real day off.  I finished the last paper that was due before spring break last night, so that meant that I got today off.  Since it is Friday the kids were in school and Rick was at work, so I actually had the better part of the day all to myself.  I hung out at seminary in the breakfast “nook” for a bit and had coffee and chatted with some students that were hanging out.  Then I hung out on the couch for a while and watched mindless morning TV.  After lunch I got a pedicure and a manicure.  It was so fabulous to have so much time with no one needing anything from me.  What a luxury.

The work begins again soon, though.  Next week I am working a contract job and traveling a bit, so I won’t be resting too much.  I’ve gathered the 300 pages of reading that needs to be done before classes start on the 19th so that I can read it all on the plane.  Hopefully I will be disciplined and get that done so that I won’t be too overwhelmed with homework when I get back.  The week I get back I have a Church History mid-term on Thursday and I need to write a 10 page paper before I leave for the Province VIII conference on Thursday evening.  It’s going to be a busy week.  Only 6 more weeks until summer.  I can keep up the pace until then.

In an area of good news, it looks like Rick has a new job.  While he has liked working at The Container Store, being required to work a weekend day is just really hard on our family.  We essentially never get time together as a family and we are starting to feel like a tag team, with one tagging in as the other is on the way out the door.  The Episcopal Church Center advertised a part time job (10-15 hours per week) entering data in a database.  The hours are totally flexible, and of course, only during the week.  Rick is going up next week to sign some papers and get training.  We’re not entirely sure it is final yet, but it seems a pretty sure thing.  The job is only temporary (through June), but we were already considering having Rick quit for the summer months to allow some flexibility for us to travel and such.  I know that many people have been praying for an opportunity like this and I am so grateful to have those prayers answered.

It snowed today totally unexpectedly.  We were out an about at appointments and such after school and a strong wind storm turned into snow.  For a while it looked a bit like a blizzard with the snow coming down sideways, but after a while it just turned into a nice little snow storm.  By the time we made it back to seminary, the snow was coming down at a medium pace and was a ton of fun for the kids and I.  I haven’t spent much time in falling snow, so I always find it such a novelty.  It is so soft and quiet and beautiful.  We all tried to catch snowflakes on our tongues and anywhere else we could.

I am feeling much better today.  It’s amazing how much good comes from a good night’s sleep.  There is lots to do this week, the last week before spring break.  I have two papers and a research proposal due this week, plus lots of other random stuff that just needs to get done.  Next week is spring break (yippee), but it won’t be too much of a break for me.  I got a contract job so I’ll be working all week.  While I’d love to spend the time actually resting, I am so grateful for the work.  It’s always good to make money.  Plus, it is so great to spend time with people that aren’t thinking like theologians and scholars all the time.  I really do love being here and love that I am surrounded by really smart people that challenge me and help me grow, but sometimes it is good to be immersed in the real world where people aren’t thinking about God, evil, suffering, sin, salvation, eschatology, etc., etc., etc. every moment of the day.  It’s a good reminder that this place is formative, but not normative.  Hey, I made a rhyme.  It must be getting late because I am getting silly.

You know how you have one of those days? Those days where, while you do most things right, you just screw up a few things and that just sort of throws the whole thing off.  I had one of those days today.  I set the altar book wrong today (granted I was doing 12 things all at the last minute) and my rector shot me a look in the middle of the eucharistic prayer when she realized it was wrong and not what she wanted.  Just before that I made a mess of the Prayers of the People. I was tapped to say the prayers at the last minute and we say them extemporaneously in my parish.  I usually set a Prayer Book so that i can at least look at the list of things to pray for, but I forgot.  I got to the podium and was out of my element and then didn’t get the microphone right.  I was speaking too soft and I could hear someone whisper behind me about it and I just got thrown off.  It felt like a mess.  And, yesterday, someone implied that maybe the medical anxiety problems one of my children is suffering from is my fault.

Blah.  Maybe I’m just tired.  Maybe it is just the mid-point of the semester and I’m burned out.  Maybe all the stress of homework and contract work and family chores and field ed and all that needs to get done has all converged into today.  Clearly I am being too hard on myself.  I’ve done a ton of other things right today and in the last week.  Still, I just sort of feel bad about myself today.

To add insult to injury, I need to write a first draft of my middler evaluation.  I don’t have to do anything fancy, but I need to put something on paper about my faith life and my academic progress and stuff like that.  I keep looking at the questions and feeling like I have nothing positive to say about myself.  Sigh.

I hate feeling like this.  I know it won’t last long, but it is here now so I need to just live with it.   

Well, for the first time in my academic career I am actually attempting to do the reading for my classes this semester.  It is so much harder than I even imagined.  Generally I have about 350 pages of reading assigned each week which turns into about 8 hours or so of reading.  It has been tough to add that to my schedule.  My strategy has been to get away from the television at night and read instead.  It is working, but reading is much more tiring that just hanging out at watching TV.  I’ve been sleeping pretty well, but I still feel dang tired.  

My schedule seems much fuller this semester than others for some reason.  Even though many of my classes only meet once a week, my days seem to be packed from beginning to end.  For the past two weeks I’ve worked 12-14 hour days almost every day.  To complicate the situation, Rick has been working on Saturdays now, so I have the kids by myself all day on Saturday and then I work most of the day Sunday.  The pace has left us all feeling like we don’t get much downtime.

I realized this week that I haven’t been to chapel in about 3 weeks.  While I don’t go to chapel as often as others, I usually try to go to chapel at least once or twice a week for mid-day Eucharist.  I’ve learned which services work for me and I got in a fairly good routine of attending last semester.  But, I have discovered that my new commitment to reading has slowly usurped my chapel attendance.  Hmph.  That is a quandary: learn about theology or have a personal faith discipline.  I guess I need to find a strategy for that one.

I am also finding myself attracted to many extra-curricular events here at Seminary.  For the past few weeks I’ve been attending Thursday night lectures presented by our New Testament Professor about Gnostic gospels.  It has been fascinating and I have been pushing myself to go even when I am too tired.  Next Tuesday night, the community is gathering to discuss the events of the recent meeting of the Anglican primates.  It seems like an incredibly important conversation, but I am certain that I won’t complete the readings for my classes if I attend this.  Argh.  After Spring Break (when I start attending another class on Tuesday nights), a two-part lecture series on congregational leadership is being presented in the evenings.  I know I won’t get my reading finished if I go to that.  Blech.

This, by far, has been the most busy semester of all.  It would turn out that the one semester I decide to read is also the semester that includes all the interesting seminars and lectures that I want to attend.  I keep trying to remember that the semester is only 12 weeks long and that I can keep up this pace for another 7 weeks and then it will be over.  I might collapse in a heap at the end and sleep for a week, but at least it will have all gotten done.  Hopefully, my kids won’t forget who I am by then.