Julie’s News from Maryland

I’m so glad that I didn’t spend too much time preparing for this exam.  Many people had told me that it was impossible to really study and they were right. The questions we got were completely unexpected and there was just no way I could have prepared enough to cover all the topics.  The Vulgate, come on. Even if I had been studying, I never would have thought to brush up on the Vulgate and St. Jerome.  Intrinsically evil acts.  Criminy.  Who would thought to be ready to answer a broad, completely open-ended question about evil acts?  And church music.  There hasn’t been a liturgy question that has had a serious music component in years, and our question was all about music. The advice that I got was right on - have your resources ready and trust that you’ve learned something in seminary.

Maybe that is what is so amazing about this whole process.  I have, in fact, learned something in seminary.  I’ve learned something in many places through this journey that helped me take this exam.  The Bethel Series Bible Study class I completed in my home parish years ago gave me a huge boost for the scripture part of the test, as well as my scripture classes here at seminary.  My CPE program helped me to be ready to answer the question about the grieving family.  I also found that work I’d done for various classes, while maybe not explicitly related to the GOE question, had given me some nugget of insight that I was able to use and expand for the exam.

The truth of the matter is that the GOEs really don’t matter all that much.  A few weeks before the GOEs, two people that I respect and admire in the church called me to talk to me about possible jobs.  And, in the short conversation I had with my bishop on the first night of the exams, she mentioned that she had thought of me for a job in the diocese several years from now as part of her long term vision.  The job is not even real right now, but just the fact that she thought of me as she was thinking it through means that she has confidence in my abilities and believes that I will be a good priest.  All of this without any consideration of my GOE scores.  And think about it, when was the last time you asked your parish priest about their scores on the GOEs?

Which leaves me wondering why we take the GOEs at all.  Some of us have speculated that it is simply a hazing ritual - all of the priests before us have war stories about taking their exams.  Could it be that the reluctance to remove this canonical requirement is simply based in the fact that because they had to do it, we should have to do it too?  I’ve also wondered this week if the GOEs are meant to be a confirmation for ourselves about what we’ve learned.  Maybe the point of the test is not to prove to others that we’ve learned something, but simply to prove to us that we’ve learned something.

In any case, they are finished.  I continue to resist the temptation in my head to second guess my answers.  More than once in the last few days I’ve thought of something that I could have added to an answer, or a way to clarify something that I wrote so that it would make more sense.  But, the test is finished and there is nothing that I can do now but wait until next month when I get my grades.

There have been so many people that have taken care of us this week, I don’t even know where to begin to thank everyone that have done so much for me and my classmates.

• My family - Rick and the kids have been so great - staying out of my way when I needed it, giving me lots of hugs and kisses when I needed that.  Rick was really flexible about being here or not being here as was necessary to care for me, the kids, and the dogs.
• The library staff - they worked on New Year’s Day to get the library ready to open the morning of the GOEs.  They were there and well prepared for anything that we might need - and I needed a fair amount of help from the library. I so appreciated their humor and hospitality in the midst of this.
• The seminary chaplain - she organized, kept track, arranged, and just did so much to make sure that everything was ready for us before and during the exams.  On top of that, she and her husband hosted dinner for the entire class and their families on Friday evening.
• A few spectacular members of the junior and middler class - This group of folks fed us all week.  They had wonderful breakfasts for us each morning: bagels, cream cheese, home made breads, muffins, and scones, fruit, coffee, and juice.  Everyone morning it was there waiting for us.  Then, at lunch, they had custom made sandwiches for each of us with our choice of side salad, cookie, chips, and drink.  It was unbelievable.  Each day we had a little order form to indicate what we wanted for lunch the next day, and everyday our little lunch was waiting for us.  I had no idea what a necessity that food would be.  I sort of figured that I’d be able to just make a little something for myself each day, but it turned out to be such a relief to have food waiting for me each day.  And, it turned out to be a great communal time for those of us that needed to decompress and talk about what we’d done that day.
• Our systematics professor and his wife - they hosted dinner for all of us the night before the exams.  It was great to get together as a class and greet one another as we all came back from the Christmas holiday.  We got to spend the evening as a community, all thinking about the same thing.
• The dean and his wife - hosting a Eucharist and a pizza dinner after we finished tonight.  One last gathering of the group to celebrate our accomplishments.
• Oodles of people praying for me and all of us.

So many people made it possible for us to finish these tests with ease. I’m so appreciative for the all the love and support that was shown to us.  Thank you thank you thank you to everyone!

I’m done!! I’m done. I’m done. I’m done. I did it. I finished. It’s all over. I can’t believe it. Almost three years of training has led up to these 4 days of testing and now it’s over. I feel like I was really well-prepared for all of the exams. There was nothing I wasn’t able to answer. I feel confident about all of my answers; they certainly weren’t masterpieces, but I hope they will be good enough.

This morning’s exam was Theory and Practice of Ministry and, as has been the custom, was the only portion of the exam that was completely closed book. This was the part of the exam that I was really looking forward to taking and I was quite pleased with the question and my answer. I wrote 3 complete coherent pages in an hour and a half. It was great. The question was:

Set 6: Theory and Practice of Ministry
No External Resources

The parents of a young woman who was murdered in the shootings at Virginia Tech in April, 2007, are still deep in mourning. She was their only child and was a gifted student. As their pastor you helped them plan the funeral and then were the officiant at the service. Now, much later, the parents are questioning you about God’s presence with them, most especially asking how God can allow such a tragedy. They are desperately trying to find answers in their time of grief.

In a three-page essay:

A. Identify and explain the major theological issues raised for you in this situation.

B. In light of these issues, what pastoral counsel would you offer to this couple and what other resources would you commend to them?

The afternoon’s test was Liturgy and Church Music. It could have gone either way for me, easy or totally out of my reach. I lucked out again and the question was totally doable. Not the easiest for me, especially coming from a parish that uses primarily contemporary music, but I’ve been in churches all my life and have been singing for a long time, so it wasn’t all that hard. I was able to put together a decent answer. And, best of all, the question didn’t really lend itself to an essay, it was more of a list of things - I actually used bullets (which I love!). I finished a little before the deadline and was glad to be done. The question was:

Set 7: Liturgy and Church Music
Limited Resources: Book versions of the following: Bible, Book of Common Prayer, EOW, Hymnal 1982, Lifter Every Voice and Sing II, Wonder love and Praise, Voices Found and their accompanist editions. No electronic resources.

As the rector in a parish with a strong music program you have decided to offer an after church adult forum organized around the question, “How are the hymns chosen for the Sunday service of Holy Eucharist?”

The congregation customarily uses Rite II, Eucharistic Prayer B, for the celebration of the Holy Eucharist. The Sunday that you [propose as an example for this forum is Proper 19, Year C; the appointed texts for the day are: Exodus 32:1, 7-14; Psalm 51:1-18; 1Timothy 1:12-17; Luke 12:1-10. Your parish is also beginning its church school year on that Sunday.

In preparing the adult forum do the following, using three pages:

1) List the places in the BCP Eucharist, Rite II, in which hymns are allowed and describe the function of hymns in these places.

2) List the hymns that you would choose for this service and where they would be used in this liturgy.

3) Explain, in an annotated outline or essay, your reasons for choosing these hymns: include explanations for the specific ways these hymns communicate the theology of the readings, the collect of the day and the Eucharistic celebration; note the hymnal(s) used and your reasons for choosing these hymnal(s); show the specific ways in which the hymns that you have chosen convey or amplify the action of the liturgy.

I’m dead tired now. It’s amazing how hungry and tired I’ve gotten just sitting around writing essays for 4 days. It’s nice to have it done. Can’t wait to find out what the graders think. It’s really a toss up. Could go either way with any of them. We’ll just have to wait and see. I’ll let you know when I know.

Man, did I ever luck out. I have been so worried about the history question. History is not exactly my best subject. With a fair amount of work I’ve managed to hold my own in my history classes, but it hasn’t exactly been easy, and it doesn’t really stick all that well. Plus, the history question in the past has occasionally asked about something really obscure, like the crusades or post-millenialism. I was afraid they were going to ask about some random thing that I knew virtually nothing about and I  then I’d have to research all about it in 3 hours. Instead, the question was very straightforward and closed ended. I felt a tremendous sense of relief when I read it. I knew that there would be an answer in a few books that I’d be able to find and then I could write something about it. Whew! The question was:

Set 5: Church History
Open Resources

Throughout the history of the church, most Christians have known the Old and New Testaments only through translations. Three seminal translations for western Christianity have been the Vulgate Bible (V), the Authorized or King James Version (AV), and the Revised Standard Version (RSV).
Write a three-page essay in which you answer the following questions regarding these influential translations (you may use abbreviations as indicated above).

A. What were, briefly, the historical circumstances motivating those responsible for conceiving and executing these three translations?

B. How did each of these translations represent significant change from earlier versions available at the time?

C. What have been some of the important repercussions of each of these translations for the Christian church and the wider culture?

I knew I didn’t have the books necessary to answer the question at home, so I headed to the library. I told the library staff what the question was and they pointed me to the right books. In fact, almost immediately our reference librarian handed me a small paperback book titled The Complete Guide to Bible Versions. Between that and a couple of encyclopedia entries, I had plenty to write a decent essay. It wasn’t the most spectacular, well researched essay I’ve ever written, but it was pretty good for 3 hours.

I can’t believe I got such a fabulous church history question. Actually, it’s not really a church history question at all. But, it was just my speed and I feel pretty good about it.

5 down, 2 to go. Tomorrow morning is Pastoral Theology and that is a closed book test. I’m actually sort of looking forward to it. I get to just write about my own perspectives about how I will do this job as a priest. It is something that I think about a lot and feel very confident about. In the afternoon the question will be about Liturgics and that is a Limited Resources (bible, prayer book, hymnals) test. I have no idea what to expect from that test, so we’ll just see how it goes. 20 hours from now it will be all over.

Today was day two of testing.  The questions were thoughtful and challenging, but not impossible.  I felt like I said something intelligent about each question and wrote good essays.  I have no idea whether or not I fulfulled the requirements of the questions and that each answer had what the graders are hoping to find, but I wrote something and I turned it in, so that’s got to be good enough at this point.

The first test of the day was Church Theology and Missiology.  Here’s the question:

Set 3: Christian Theology
Open Resources

In a three-page essay,
A. Identify briefly foundational elements for creating a contemporary doctrine of the church (ecclesiology) within the Episcopal/Anglican traditions.

B. Expand and elucidate the elements identified, using scriptural references and the theological traditions of the church, both historical and contemporary, to substantiate your thinking. Include in your essay specific illustrations of these theological elements as they are manifested in the ways The Episcopal Church orders itself for mission and ministry.

When I first read the question, I stopped breathing.  It seemed so overwhelming.  People write books about this.  But, then I remembered to breathe and read the question again.  When I read it carefully, I realized that I could answer that question. And, in fact, I’ve answered that question in the past.  It is what I think about all the time: how do we make ourselves relevant to 21st century america.  I’m pleased with what my foundational elements and I know I did a great job using scripture to back it up, but I didn’t do so well on the historical traditions.  Hopefully it is good enough.

In the afternoon, our subject was Contemporary Society and the question was:

Set 4: Contemporary Society
Limited Resources: Annotated Bible, Book of Common Prayer, and other authorized liturgical texts of The Episcopal Church

Many consider today’s health care system in the United States to be in crisis. Numerous studies have shown that health insurance coverage improves access to and quality of medical care and can contribute to the overall health of Americans. The latest available health insurance statistics from the National Health Interview Survey reports that:
 [bunch of statistics about health insurance]

In an integrated essay of three pages:

A. Develop a theological response to this situation using relevant biblical texts and resources from the Book of Common Prayer or other authorized liturgical texts of The Episcopal Church.

B. In light of the answer above, how can this church respond to the issues of access to adequate health care? In the essay include at least two practical examples each for two of the following: individuals, congregations, dioceses, The Episcopal Church.

The best thing about this question was that we were only allowed to use limited resources.  Essentially, that meant that I had the resources with me that I needed to answer the first part of the question, but I had to be creative and use my own ideas for the second part of the question.  I think if I’d had access to the internet and other data about health care initiatives, I would have driven myself crazy trying to find the most optimum ways for us to respond to the crisis.  As it was, the only thing I could do was think creatively about ways that we can respond and use that. 

So, 4 down, 3 more to go.  I get tomorrow morning off, which is great.  Tomorrow afternoon is the Church History question and it is the one I am most worried about.  The test is Open Resources, so that makes me feel better about it.  I’m a good writer, so even if I have to do an hour of research, I should still have plenty of time.  Almost over.

My bishop called me this evening to wish me well while I’m taking the GOEs.  I have a bishop.  And she called me.  To wish me well.  Can I tell you how wonderful that is?  All this time that I’ve been in seminary without a bishop and I had no idea what I was missing. Though, I suppose that not all bishops are as thoughtful as mine, but now that I have a nice, thoughtful bishop, it really is delightful.  I feel so energized by our congregation - we talked about a few job opportunities and some of her long range ideas for the diocese.  Yippee, I have a bishop!  And not just any bishop, this bishop!

Today was the first day of testing. I was really excited when I saw the Scripture question. It was right up my alley and really straightforward. God, money, prosperity, faithfulness - all stuff that I love. I was thrilled about the essay that I wrote, well the three short essays that I wrote - it was a three part question:

Limited Resources: An annotated Bible, such as the New Oxford Annotated Bible or the HarperCollins Study Bible, and a concordance. Read Deuteronomy 28:1-14 and Luke 18:18-25 and address the following in a three-page essay:

A. What is the relationship between prosperity and faithfulness in each passage?

B. Readers use a variety of hermeneutical principles to interpret the Bible. Using these two passages as examples, articulate and explain the principles of interpretation that guide your reading of the Bible, especially when texts may present significantly different theological understandings.

C. You have been asked to preach a sermon using the two passages named above. Summarize the main points you would make in your sermon. Be sure it engages both passages.

The afternoon Ethics question was significantly harder for me. This was it:

Open Resources

Are there any acts that are intrinsically evil?

Answer this question in a three-page essay, building a case for your answer that makes use of resources from the Christian ethical tradition.

I looked at this question and thought about how simple, but how complex that question is. I knew immediately that there really isn’t any right answer to the question, but that the best I’d be able to do was take a position and defend it to the best of my ability. I also knew that the question was going to lend itself to the most common mistake that people make when answering GOE questions: not answering the actual question that was asked. As I started to think about this and research it, I started to slip into the origin of evil (and original sin) and I also started to slip into the problem of evil (how we reconcile the goodness of God with the presence of evil in the world). I had to work really hard to stay away from both of those topics and stick to the question that was asked.

As I was writing this essay, I also tried to keep in mind one of the pieces of advice given to us by a former GOE grader - don’t answer like a lofty theologian or a learned scholar, try to answer the question like a good priest. The grader advised us that the readers want to know what we think and what we believe, and they want us to use a few sources to support our ideas. Keeping this in mind helped me to feel like I didn’t have to write the most academic paper ever written about evil acts, but rather to state my own thoughts and beliefs about it, using the Christian ethical tradition for reference and support.

So, 2 down, 5 more to go. Tomorrow is Christian Theology and Missiology (open resources) in the morning and Contemporary Society (Limited resources: bible and prayer book) in the afternoon.

I really am not all that worried about this test tomorrow. I know that I’m a smart, intelligent, articulate person and that I’ve learned a ton of stuff on this journey. I’m reasonably certain that I will be able to say something thoughtful in a concise and organized way.

However, my body tells me that I’m more worried than I’m allowing myself to believe. Last Friday, I was just hanging out at home and discovered that my knee was really sore. You see, when I’m worried about something, unlike most people who get headaches, I get a knee ache. It went away pretty quickly, but I knew why it was there. Then, over the weekend, my jaw started to get sore. It was hard to open and close my jaw and chewing was a little uncomfortable. As I sit here tonight, both sides of my jaw are really sore. I must be clenching my jaw and not realizing that I’m doing it.

Oh, and I had a dream the other night. I dreamed that the Liturgy question asked “Which prayer in the Book of Common Prayer was originally included in its long form, then reduced to its short form, then restored to its original length?” While my classmates and I had acces to Prayer Books, none of us could find the answer. We kept searching and searching, but it just wasn’t there. Then I woke up.

Clearly, my body is letting me know that there is some stress in there about this test. I suppose this is good - adrenaline and nerves help to keep us at the top of our game in the midst of things like this. 4 days from now it will be all over.

When we lived in California, we used to get together with the same group of people each year for a party on New Year’s Day. It was our tradition to make predictions for the new year. They could be about anything - our own lives, the lives of others, our church community, politics, whatever we wanted. My friend would record the predictions in her day planner and we’d look back each year to see how many of them came true.

Following are my predictions for the New Year, I invite you to add yours too. Next year we can look back and see how we did.

• The Nelson’s will get a great job and move to a fabulous new city.
• No matter what happens in the presidential election, people will be disappointed.
• The Lambeth Conference will disappoint some bishops that attend, but most will forge new relationships that help to unite the Anglican Communion.

It’s the end of 2007.  I think if I had to classify this year I would call it the year of “finding our place.”  In this year, we finally managed to discover friends - not just people that we like to hang out with, but people that we trust and feel comfortable spending time with.  Finally, we don’t feel lonely here anymore.  We have also managed to find our place in the kids’ elementary school; meeting parents and breaking into the circle a bit. We volunteered for a few things and created strong relationships with the staff and faculty.  I’ve found really great places for field education and an internship that allow me to do really creative and interesting things while working with some of the smartest people in the Episcopal Church.  Rick found a place to work that gives him adult friends and something to do that he enjoys, while still being really flexible so that he can devote most of his energy to being a dad.

As I look forward to next year, I know that 2008 will be a year of change.  I’ll graduate and leave school.  I’ll get a job and we’ll move - new house, new friends, new church, new school for the kids, new doctors, new cars (well, used cars, but new to us).  It will be a year of constant transition as we learn to find our place again in a new place.   Should be interesting.