Julie’s News from Maryland

I bought a car today. It seemed best to buy a car in Maryland and just pay taxes for it once, rather than buy it here and pay taxes here and then transfer fees to register it in Maryland. So, for the past several days I’ve been researching used cars in the area around where we are going to live in Maryland. I’ve looked at various web sites, used the Kelly Blue Book web site to compare cars and prices. I even checked with a few individuals who are selling cars, though quickly ruled that out as a strategy when I discovered how difficult it is to transfer the title through private individuals.

I traveled by Amtrak to Marlyand today and my new boss picked me up at the train station and dropped me off at the car dealer that I had found that seemed to have the most options. As a bonus, a branch of my bank was only a mile down the road from this dealer so that made them slightly more attractive than others as well. I knew the inventory on the lot that I wanted to drive and also found another car that was perfectly acceptable. They gave me a great deal on a little Saturn that is very comfortable, well maintained, and snappy. I think it will be a good second car for our family.

I also managed to squeeze in some time to meet with our realtor today. We did a walk through of the townhouse and I got the keys. Whew. For some reason I was worried that we weren’t going to get the place and all of a sudden we’d have everything arranged for the move but we wouldn’t have any where to bring our belongings. I don’t know why I was worried about that, but I was. Now I’m not worried anymore.

Though, I do feel a great deal of anxiety. I think I’ve discovered in my life that I’m a post-activity anxiety person. While many people feel anxiety leading up to a stressful activity - like buying a car or moving or preaching or something like that - I tend to feel the anxiety after the event is finished. I spent all day in the dealership today and never felt one twinge of nervousness. Drove to meet the realtor and looked at the house, signed the last paperwork and got the keys, drove all the way home to New York (through some torrential rain, I might add) and arrived home to find a parking space waiting on my block (a miracle, really) and didn’t really feel much worry or anxiety. But, as soon as I walked in the door my knees immediately got weak and I got a terrible headache. I’m like that when I perform or preach too - I’m fine until I finish, and then I’m worried. Strange really.

Here are a couple of photos of my new cute car:

We went to Coney Island today.  We’ve been saying since we got here that it is one of the places that we wanted to go, but somehow we just never got around to it.  It isn’t all that difficult to reach, just two trains and travel time is a little over an hour, but the thought of carrying all our beach gear to the beach with two little kids was always just a bit overwhelming for us.  But today, as seasoned New Yorkers with kids big enough to hold their own in the world, we made the trek to Coney Island.  And, it was ok, I guess.

We were spoiled in California having the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk available to us.  It is such a nice boardwalk with permanent rides that are perfect for kids and adults.  You can buy a wristband so the kids can ride all day and the food there is really yummy and good.  The beach is great too.

Coney Island is..well…not exactly that.  There are rides, but I think I counted at least three separate areas of rides provided by different vendors.  They were all the temporary type rides that one finds at the county carnival.  The vendors sells tickets, not wristbands, so the kids could only ride a limited number of rides.  And the food was, well, sort of gross.  They had huge kitchens selling lots of fried stuff.  We had been looking forward to the great corn dog, but discovered that our corn dogs were a bit soggy and kinda cold.  The kids were happy with them, which is what I guess counts. The big disappointment of the day was that Nicholas couldn’t ride The Cyclone, the famous roller coaster at Coney Island.  He was an inch too short and wasn’t allowed to ride.   Fortunately, he didn’t melt down and was able to recover pretty easily, but that was a bummer for me too.

On the upside, the beach was great.  The sun was shining and there was plenty of room for us to put our stuff on the beach near the water (that NEVER happens on a sunny day in Santa Cruz).  There was even a lifeguard near us, which was great.  The water was a bit chilly, but the kids didn’t mind at all.  They splashed and played and had a ball running back and forth from the water to me on the blanket to give me seashells or tell me about the lastest wave that splashed them and got water in their mouth.  I had a delightful time relaxing on the blanket while Rick watched the kids by the water’s edge.

And this is where the lobster part is explained.  Yes, I sat on the blanket on the beach.  For a couple of hours.  With no sunscreen.  What a dork.  My forehead is so red that I look like I painted it that way.  My arms are generating enough heat to warm the living room.  Sigh.  I haven’t been this sunburned in a very long time.  I don’t know what I was thinking.

Despite our initial impressions of the place not being as good as home (is anything really ever as good as it was at home?), we had a really great day. The kids had fun on the rides.  We all had fun on the beach.  We didn’t have any major disagreements or melt downs.  The kids were cheerful and easy going the whole day.  We even spent a couple of hours in the little aquarium they have there and it was fun too.

The best thing about the whole day is that today is our wedding anniversary - 12 years today.  This was such a perfect way to spend our anniversary.  I know that it wasn’t very romantic or focused on just Rick and I, but that isn’t really what our life is right now.  Right now, we are a family with little kids - who are getting bigger every day.  It was really fun to just hang out on the beach as a family, enjoying the time in a simple way doing something fun.  I was glad we did it.  And now I’m going to go put some lotion on the burns and hope againt hope that I’m not a big peeling mess by the end of the week.

I graduated!  I know, it happened 4 days ago, but I’m just now getting around to posting about it.  Mostly I was waiting to have time to upload some of the photos so that you could see glimpses of the day.  (You’ll find them in the “Graduation” album on the right)

For all of the faults of my seminary, one thing we do quite well is pageantry.  The procession included two crucifers, several torch bearers, all of the guild chiefs, the 50 graduates, the faculty and the board of trustees.  Before the procession the chimes played for quite some time, accompanied by a brass band outside where we were waiting.  It was very cool.  As we processed into the chapel several of our beloved seminary staff were outside the chapel cheering for us and blowing bubbles on us - I knew I’d cry when I saw Joanne with bubbles for us and I did.

When we entered the chapel it was so packed I could barely make out any of the faces I saw.  Everyone was smiling and singing - it was amazing.  We filed into our pews and continued singing 2 hymns.  I got about half way through the second hymn and I started to cry - I learned later that several others saw my tears which triggered their own tears.  Fortunately, I was able to contain the tears so that I didn’t slide into all out weeping.

Each of the graduates’ name was called as we walked forward to receive our diploma and hood from the Dean of the seminary.  As I knelt, our faculty marshall (who is also our preaching professor) put my hood over my head.  It was much heavier than I expected and I felt the weight on my shoulders.  It was a substantial sensation that amplified the emotions of the moment for me.  I remember moving to the side to stand with my classmates as we waited for everyone to receive their hoods.  As I stood there I couldn’t stop smiling - I really felt so proud of myself and everyone in my class.

It still seems a little surreal to me.  Every day I open my beautiful diploma and can’t believe that I have it already.  I am so pleased.

I have to say, I really have come to love this city.  It is smelly.  It is loud.  People are in your face all the time begging, trying to sell you something, asking you to give some time or money to a cause, asking for directions, or barking at you for being too slow or stopping in their way.  It’s virtually impossible to get across town.  It takes 45 minutes to get anywhere - 10 blocks or 100 blocks, it doesn’t matter, it always takes 45 minutes.  It is cold in the winter and sticky and hot in the summer.   But, I love it.

A few of my very close friends from California came to visit this weekend.  Because it was rainy yesterday, we spent a few hours in the Metropolitan Museum of Art.  While sometimes I feel like I haven’t even seen a 1/4 of what is in there because it’s just so huge, I discovered as I walked around with my friends that I’ve actually seen quite a lot of it.  I have my favorite paintings and sculptures.  I still get turned around in there, but have learned to enjoy the adventure of wandering around in the vastness of it.

Other adventures have included a trip to lower Manhattan to see Ground Zero and time in Central Park.  I am a veteran of the city now and can find my way around pretty easily, even on subway lines I don’t know all that well or when trains are running on funky schedules for weekend construction.  I can even navigate myself in and out of the Park without getting hopelessly lost.

What’s really amazing, though, is how much I just really love it.  I love being in Central Park.  It is such a noisy place - people talking and squealing, music playing from boom boxes or amplified instruments.  It is super crowded on sunny days.  The hot dogs are gross.  But I really love it and love being there with all those people - enjoying being outside and just goofing off in New York City.  I love all the different parts of the park and all the fun things you can do there - ride a carousel, splash in the sprinklers, lay on the grass, row a boat, ice skate, take a tour…the activities are endless and I love that about the place.

I love getting around town on the subways.  It is fun to chat with my friends and family while we ride on a train.  No one has to pay so much attention to getting us somewhere that they miss the conversation.  We all just chat and enjoy each other while the train people get us where we need to go.  We really can get all over the city on trains and buses, which can be hard some days, but overall is so much better for the environment and much cheaper for us considering how expensive gas is these days.

I love seeing celebrities.   I love running quick errands in the neighborhood around my house and knowing the people that work in the shops here.  I love bumping into people that I know all over the city.  I love the beautiful buildings and the old architecture and the history in random places around the city.

The city has been tough on us as a family.  We really do belong in the suburbs.  But I realized as I walked around with my friends this weekend that I really have grown to love this city and I’m going to miss many things about it when we’re gone.

Is this really the end of my time at seminary?  I graduate in 4 days and it just seems so surreal.  I have had a hard time getting my head around it.  I’ve been finished with homework for more than 2 weeks now.  I’ve wrapped up my work at my internship site and my field ed parish.  I haven’t had a class in more than a week.  The work is done.  But am I really done?

This past week has been a week of parties and celebrations.  Every day this week we have had some sort of event with our classmates or with the school to celebrate the end of the semester - some days have even had two events.  We have been toasting ourselves, each other, the school, the staff, the faculty, the church, etc., etc.  In conversations with many people I have reflected upon our time here, the relationships that we have created, the ups and downs, and all that we have accomplished.  We talk daily of our hopes and dreams for the future. 

Even so, it still hasn’t really sunk into my brain that it is finished.  In less than a month we are leaving, yet it still seems so unreal.  I think tonight I realized why that is the case: I just can’t seem to face the reality that I am leaving these people.   My class is  full of such bright, funny, thoughtful, and amazing people.  In spite of our differences, we have stuck in out together and done our best to learn from one another and grow as individuals and as a class.  I value the perspective of these people and I will miss them terribly when we are gone.  I haven’t really allowed myself to think too carefully about it, but as we approach this week, this final week together, I have realized that it is really happening;  we are all leaving.  Some are leaving sooner (the day after graduation) than others (late in July or August).  But, nonetheless, by the end of the week we will no longer be a cohesive group, we will begin to be scattered. 

I think for a few more days I’ll continue to be in denial about it.  I just don’t want to stand in this reality quite yet.
 

Go to The Donor Garden, click on Join, and sign up to be a bone marrow donor. From May 5-19 you can join the registry for free. They will send you a simple kit that only requires a cheek swab and you mail it back. Simple. Free. Easy.

I’ve always wanted to be on the bone marrow donor list, but I’ve never gotten around to it. Frankly, the thought of them having to take a sample from my hip bone didn’t exactly provide the motivation I needed to track it down. But this process is simple and easy and pain free. And it doesn’t cost me a dime.

The real motivation for me today, beyond just the fact that the process is easy and free, is that I learned today that my friend’s son was just diagnosed with leukemia, 12 days before his 5th birthday. How sucky is that? I was reading their online journal and learned that they are facing 3 years of treatment for this child. I’m so sad for them.

Go to the site! Sign up! Get yourself on the list. It could be you that saves the life of a child and restores hope to a family that has been devastated by this illness.

And can we really do it? We talk about it. We try to practice it in worship - that whole “Peace be with you” thing is about practicing reconciliation. It is about offering peace to the people who are near us, so that we can go out into the world and offer peace to others. Though, the trouble is that it is really easy to offer peace to people in church, especially to people we really like and admire or to strangers who we don’t know at all. Offering peace to real people in the real world is lots harder, particularly when those people hurt you.

Recently, a friend hurt me. I don’t think the friend really meant to hurt me, I think the friend was reacting to a perceived fear and did some stuff to hurt me. I felt betrayed and abandoned and confused. I cried a bit. I talked to people that I care about. And I decided that the best thing to do was just wait. Reaching out seemed like the wrong thing to do, so I just waited. And sooner than I had anticipated the friend has reached out to me. We haven’t really talked, we’ve just exchanged sort of cryptic emails but the friend has asked to get together with me.

Reconciliation. How do we do it? The culture, and some of my friends, have suggested that this person’s offense was just too much - just unforgiveable. Their counsel has been that I shouldn’t even bother to meet with this friend and that I should just move on with my life - making it clear that I won’t stand for this sort of behavior. But somehow that just seems wrong to me. It just seems like that isn’t what God calls us to do.

Reconciliation is not just something we talk about and practice, but we think it is important enough to make it a sacrament (well, for those of us that think there are more than 2 sacraments). Reconciling is something that has had traditions and rituals around it for thousands of years - read the OT, there are specific rituals for repairing relationships between people, and it was an important part of living in community. Jesus talks about it all the time - “How often should I forgive, seven times?” Jesus says, “Not seven times, I tell you, but seventy-seven times.” (Matt 18: 21-22) And then there is that “turn the other cheek” business. Forgiveness and reconciliation was not something that Jesus was ambiguous about, Jesus was pretty clear that we do it - we reconcile, we forgive because God does it. God extends grace to us because otherwise we would be a wreck without it. And if God can extend grace to us, then we can extend grace to others.

But dang, can it be hard. And especially when the outside world doesn’t understand why we are doing it. It seems weak. It looks to the world like we are willing to be abused. It looks like we don’t have any self-esteem. But really, I think it is the opposite. I think the easy way out is to just walk away - I think the weak are those that walk away. I think it takes an incredible amount of confidence and courage to stay in the dialogue and forgive. Well, at least that’s what it feels like to me. It’s hard to reconcile, but how can we call ourselves Christians and not be willing to at least give it a try?

We spent the weekend in Maryland looking for a place to live. Our search was a bit discouraging at first. We didn’t find many rental properties, so we thought we’d start by looking at houses in our price range. They were pretty horrible. And in pretty horrible neighborhoods. After looking at a few places that were completely unacceptable, we decided to change our strategy. As much as we’d love to live in an actual detached house, it is clear that we won’t be able to afford to do that, so we started to look at townhouses.

The prices of townhouses are certainly more reasonable - we get much more modern and liveable places for a better price - they are still just a bit out of our range if we are basing our ability to pay the mortgage solely on my salary. While Rick will begin working in the fall when the kids start school again, we have no idea how much he will be earning. It seems a bit risky to me to commit to a mortgage before we really know how much we can afford.

For a while it seemed like we were stuck. We would either have to commit to a year long lease in a rental property or have to purchase something hoping that Rick’s future salary would enable us to pay a mortgage. And then, like a miracle, we discovered that one of the townhouses that we really liked was listed both as a rental and for sale. The for sale listing mentioned that the buyer would consider a “rent to buy” situation. We talked to the agent and the owner is willing to give us a 6 month lease with the option to buy. Yippee. This could not be more perfect. It will give us the opportunity to get settled, learn the area, and get our finances in order before we make a decision about what we can afford to buy. I couldn’t have asked for a better situation. Doesn’t it always happen that God knows what I need and provides it in a way that I couldn’t have even thought to ask for it? Amazing.

The place is wonderful. Three bedrooms, 1.5 baths. Laundry inside - and upstairs by the bedrooms at that! We have an upstairs deck off the living room, and an enclosed patio under the deck. It is a small patio, but it has a gate that leads out to a large grass area behind all of the townhouses. Just beyond the grass is the tennis court, and to the right, past another row of townhouses, is a playground. Yes, a playground, with a play structure and swings and the whole deal, right in our complex. As a bonus, we are right across the street from the new public library.

Considering that it isn’t the house with the fenced in yard that we’ve been dreaming of for the past year, it is really wonderful. The kids are very excited about it and so are we. It is so much more space than we’ve ever had before. And it has laundry. Inside. On the same floor as the bedrooms. A washer and dryer. I can’t even imagine how wonderful it will be to just have laundry right there whenever we want it.

Here’s a little photo of the front of it - super cute: