And can we really do it? We talk about it. We try to practice it in worship - that whole “Peace be with you” thing is about practicing reconciliation. It is about offering peace to the people who are near us, so that we can go out into the world and offer peace to others. Though, the trouble is that it is really easy to offer peace to people in church, especially to people we really like and admire or to strangers who we don’t know at all. Offering peace to real people in the real world is lots harder, particularly when those people hurt you.
Recently, a friend hurt me. I don’t think the friend really meant to hurt me, I think the friend was reacting to a perceived fear and did some stuff to hurt me. I felt betrayed and abandoned and confused. I cried a bit. I talked to people that I care about. And I decided that the best thing to do was just wait. Reaching out seemed like the wrong thing to do, so I just waited. And sooner than I had anticipated the friend has reached out to me. We haven’t really talked, we’ve just exchanged sort of cryptic emails but the friend has asked to get together with me.
Reconciliation. How do we do it? The culture, and some of my friends, have suggested that this person’s offense was just too much - just unforgiveable. Their counsel has been that I shouldn’t even bother to meet with this friend and that I should just move on with my life - making it clear that I won’t stand for this sort of behavior. But somehow that just seems wrong to me. It just seems like that isn’t what God calls us to do.
Reconciliation is not just something we talk about and practice, but we think it is important enough to make it a sacrament (well, for those of us that think there are more than 2 sacraments). Reconciling is something that has had traditions and rituals around it for thousands of years - read the OT, there are specific rituals for repairing relationships between people, and it was an important part of living in community. Jesus talks about it all the time - “How often should I forgive, seven times?” Jesus says, “Not seven times, I tell you, but seventy-seven times.” (Matt 18: 21-22) And then there is that “turn the other cheek” business. Forgiveness and reconciliation was not something that Jesus was ambiguous about, Jesus was pretty clear that we do it - we reconcile, we forgive because God does it. God extends grace to us because otherwise we would be a wreck without it. And if God can extend grace to us, then we can extend grace to others.
But dang, can it be hard. And especially when the outside world doesn’t understand why we are doing it. It seems weak. It looks to the world like we are willing to be abused. It looks like we don’t have any self-esteem. But really, I think it is the opposite. I think the easy way out is to just walk away - I think the weak are those that walk away. I think it takes an incredible amount of confidence and courage to stay in the dialogue and forgive. Well, at least that’s what it feels like to me. It’s hard to reconcile, but how can we call ourselves Christians and not be willing to at least give it a try?
