Julie's News from Maryland

Earlier this week, a friend alerted me to the following that she had found on The Ice Floe (when I tried to find it again today, it had disappeared, but it was there on Monday when I looked):

College students are like kitties. If you want them to hang out with you, you go to them, to where they are sitting and you sit down, and then you stay, and don't leave. If you have to go, come back the next day and do the same thing. Over and over. They will stare at you from across the room for a long time, but eventually, if you keep showing up, they'll come over and sit with you. The problem is, most churches think students are like puppies. They put down the food bowl, call them by name, and expect them to come racing to the kitchen, just because you called.

I think this is true not just of college students, but of all people and especially the unchurched generation that is a huge segment of the population in 21st century America. While most people identify themselves as Christian only a small percentage of that group actually attend church - and the rest have probably never attended a church regularly. We are in the midst of new generations of people that simply were not brought to church every Sunday as a child.

So, here we are, in our fabulous church, wearing our fabulous church clothes, saying our fabulous church words, singing our fabulous church songs. These are the activities that are comforting to us and make us feel good. But, are they comforting and comfortable to someone that is new? Do they make sense to someone that has only occasionally participated in a worship service? Will a newcomer to church experience our rites and rituals on Sunday in a way that is inviting? Will they even experience them at all - will they even find us sitting in our pretty little church on the corner? Or, will they be at home watching TV, or at Starbucks reading a great novel, or at the mall shopping with their friends?

Mara Einstein, in her new book Brands of Faith, writes about the "marketplace" for churches. She contends that churches are competing against leisure time activities: television, video games, time with family, sports, etc. One of my favorite quotes in her book is on page 94:

If a religious institution wants someone to get up out of their Barcolounger, drive through traffic, sit for an hour or more during a service, and then drive home again - all this when the person could be engaging with a plethora of media and entertainment options - then that religious institution needs to offer a product that's worth the effort.

I think she's right. I think we live in a new age where Sunday morning is no longer reserved for church.  People do not build their weekend calendars automatically around going to church on Sunday.  Some people do, but not the majority of people. 

We have a product that is sooo worth the effort!  New life in relationship with Jesus Christ that is experienced within the bounds of a faithful community of people is life changing!  It is worth the effort!  But we have to package it in a way that makes people interested in at least exploring what we have to offer.  And, we need to market it such that people know that we have it.  I don't think we do that.  I think that we sit in our churches and expect people to act like puppies - so eager to see us that they just come because we are there.  But how are they supposed to know that we are there waiting for them?  How are we making ourselves known beyond our circle of friends? Do we ever go to where they are and just sit and get to know them? What would it look like if we did?

And, if we do manage to get them into our church, what do we do we give them when they arrive? My puppy is thrilled if I hand her a piece of broccoli, but my cat (and my children, for that matter) would give me a dirty look if I handed broccoli to them. Do we have any idea what people are seeking when they walk through our doors? Do we know how to give them something transformative and life changing that is packaged in a way that is meaningful to them (even if it is not meaningful to us)?

I don't have any answers to these questions, but I sure do wonder about them a lot.

I was riding home from Big Manhattan Church yesterday in a cab.  I don't usually take a cab to and from church, but I had the camera gear with me for a film project and it is just too heavy and awkward for me to carry around the city and on the trains.  So, there I was in a cab when I passed this sign outside of a church on a little side street in midtown.  I didn't take the photo, I found this image when I searched on the web, but it is the same sign.  This photo makes the street and the sign look a little more glamorous than it actually is.  The street is a fairly plain little side street, full of small houses and some restaurants, like most Manhattan streets.  The sign, when it is not lit, is very simple and almost unnoticeable.  I just happened to be glancing out the window at just the right angle and saw it.  I never would have known that it can be lit if I hadn't found this photo.

What's up with this sign?

First, I have to take offense at the poor grammar.  "Sin will find you out."  Ending a sentence in a preposition is just wrong.  I'm sorry, it just is.  I know that there are movements afoot to make it proper grammar, but it is one of my pet peeves and I just hate it.  It always sounds so white trash to me.

Second, the sentence is non-sensical.  "Sin will find you out."  What does that mean?  How will sin find me out?  What will it find me out of?  Where will it find me?  How does sin find me out?  I suppose if the sentence was, "Sin will find you," I would expect that to mean that I can't avoid sin, but was does it mean that sin will find me out?

Grammatically the sentence is incorrect and thus makes no sense.

That being said, it does seem to me that the sign gives off a certain "you should feel guilty" sense, doesn't it?  Don't you look at that sign and think of all those preachers you've seen on TV (or maybe even in person) whose entire message was built upon their belief in the total depravity of human beings?  Clearly we are just sinful miserable people who can't do anything right and we should just feel bad about ourselves all the time.   I think that linking the word Sin with the image of the cross is distorting the message of the cross.  The primary message of the cross was not to communicate to us that we are terrible sinners, but rather to communicate to us the abounding love that God has for us and the incredible grace that God extends to us each and every moment of the day.

Sin is a reality in our world and in each of our lives.  We sin.  Others sin.  Relationships are damaged, some in big ways and some in little ways, by our sin all the time.  We can't help it, it's just the way things are.  It would be unrealistic to minimize the affect that sin has on our lives and on the lives of those that we interact with every day.  But I don't believe that sin is a fundamental and integral part of who we were created to be.  I believe that God created us to be good, God created a world intending for it to work in harmony and intending for us to be in right relationship with God and one another.  And, somehow, that got off track.  I don't think it got off track because we are rotten to the core and miserable people who are incapable of doing God's will.  We're just not quite perfect and we do the best that we can.  The story we read in the Bible tells us of a loving God that is desperate to be in relationship with us and who constantly extends grace and forgiveness in the face of our crazy mixed up lives.  Jesus offers us new life - a life abundant in the love of God.

So, I suppose what bothers me the most about the sign is that it is lying.  Jesus' cross does not carry a message of sin and despair as this sign would suggest, rather Jesus' cross carries a message of hope, love, and grace.

No, not for the GOEs.  I won't get those grades for another couple of weeks. I'm still working on not feeling anxious about them. I think I've rewritten almost all of the essays in my head at least twice since finishing the exam - not like that really does me any good.  I'll let you know those grades as soon as I get them.

Today I got my grades from last semester.  They are as follows:

• AT1: Ascetical Theology - A
• CH2: Medieval and Reformation Church History - B+
• PT110: Growing a Congregation - A
• PT3: The Teaching Ministry (in Congregations) - A-

Not bad considering that I also did an internship in the Stewardship Office and had Field Education responsibilities each week on top of the four classes.  In fact, this is the best GPA I've had in any semester at seminary (3.73).  As much as I'd like to brag about that, I don't really feel like my GPA is necessarily an accurate reflection of how hard I worked or how much I learned in my classes.  Each class has different requirements - some have exams, others just papers, and still others just projects.  I worked much harder for CH2 than I did for any other class and only have a B+, whereas I did very little actual work for PT110, but got an A.  As I've said before, grades in seminary seem arbitrary and sometimes quite ambiguous to me.

 

Last week I made a couple of short films for a friend's church in Virginia. One showcases their 9:15 Family Service and the other highlights the Preschool. The final one is a short welcome from the rector. I'm pretty happy with them, especially since I did all the filming and editing in a couple of days.

I think I mentioned that in a couple of weeks I'm going to Virginia for a friend's ordination. Another friend and I are traveling together and, being the thorough kinds of people that we are, we researched our travel options. It seemed that the two cheapest and easiest options would be either flying or renting a car using my zipcar membership. In fact, the cost was comparable.

The drive is about 6 or 7 hours. The total time for flying is almost the same: 1 1/2 hours travel time to the airport, at least 1 hour in the airport, 1 1/2 hours flying time, 1/2 our to get our luggage, 1/2 hour to get from the airport to our hotel, which totals 5 hours (provided that everything goes as planned). When we added it up, we decided that driving was probably the best option, since it gives us more flexibility and control over our schedule, plus we don't have to schlep our luggage 4 blocks to the subway and then on 2 different trains to get to the airport.

After I flew to Virginia last week, I started to wonder if we had made the wrong choice by deciding to drive. My trip was so smooth and simple, we took off on time, we landed on time, my luggage came super fast and I was out of there super quick. I began to second guess our choice and I even started pricing flights to see if I could get us a last minute deal on a flight. But then, there was the flight home. I checked the flight status 10 minutes before leaving for the airport and the plane was on time. While I was eating dinner at the terminal, the flight status changed to 10 minutes late, then it went to 40 minutes late. By the time we boarded the plane we were more than an hour late. We taxied out to the runway and learned that we would be waiting there for at least an hour. The pilot had learned that there was a possibility that we'd be held up in the air and had decided that he'd rather wait on the ground than in the air, so there we sat. We finally took off, 2/12 hours after our scheduled time. And, then, about 1/2 hour into an hour flight, the captain noted that our landing had been held and we were turning in circles. We finally landed almost 3 hours late. It was miserable. I was so tired by the time we landed. And, at that very moment, I was so grateful that we are going to drive to Virginia next week.

I have flown 4 times in the last 4 months. On at least one leg of each of the trips my flight has been delayed by at least an hour. Half the time the times I've been on planes, there has been some sort of delay - usually blamed on various weather related events.  I've started to realize that I no longer have confidence that the airline will get me to and from where I am going without some sort of problem and delay.

I recently received an email from a classmate and learned that there is a need for Prayer Books, vestments, and dishes for some churches in the Diocese of San Joaquin that are choosing to remain affiliated with the Episcopal Church. As you may know, the Diocesan Convention in the Diocese of San Joaquin voted to leave the Episcopal Church last December. There are, however, a strong minority that do not want to leave the Episcopal Church and are doing their best to Remain Episcopal. They need support of all kinds - including some prayer books and other essentials for worship. Please do what you can to support them.

A couple of days ago I made hotel reservations for my trip to Williamsburg for my friend's ordination.  Two of us are traveling down together and sharing a room.  I found a cute little hotel chain, nothing fancy, but a recognizable brand that should be relatively clean.  I also checked that it was in a decent part of town and only a few blocks from the church where we'll be going.  When I made the reservation online for a room with 2 queen beds, free internet access, and free continental breakfast each morning, the price of the room came back as $49.99 per night.  Then I discovered that they would charge us and extra $4.50 for Friday night.  So, our total for 2 nights, plus taxes is $117.  It's absurd - I've never been in a hotel so cheap.  It must be the off season or something.  That was a delightful surprise.

I'm in northern Virginia today visiting some friends and doing some film and editing work for a church here.  It has been snowing all day.  It started when I got to the church at about 9:30 and has been going strong ever since.  It's not a blizzard or anything, just a steady snow - sometimes there are lots of big flakes, sometimes just little ones.  I'm sitting at a desk that faces a window so I've been watching it all day.  It sort of looks like it does in the movies.  You see, I've never been in a snow storm like this.  It snows sometimes in New York, but never for so long or so much in a row, at least not during the day.  Occassionally we wake to a blanket of snow covering the ground and the trees, but I've never actually watched it happen.  It's quite beautiful. 

Random bits of life.  In a couple of weeks I'll be going to Virginia for the ordination of one of my classmates.  In the Episcopal church, priests are ordained as deacons first, then after about 6 months, they are ordained as priests.  The theory is that we must learn the work of deacons - we must learn to be outwardly focused on those that need help from the church - before we turn our focus inward as priests.  Unfortunately, it doesn't really work that way.  Even though we are ordained as deacons, most of us never actually do diaconate work.  Instead, some are ordained while still in seminary, meaning that when they graduate they will be ordained as priests right away.  Others, like me, will be ordained as a deacon after graduation, but whatever church hires me will have me do priestly type work, until I am a priest and can fulfill all the duties of a priest.  I sort of think that if they want us all to really be deacons, then they should really provide opportunities (paid, of course) for us to work as deacons.  But, anyway, this is how they do it so this is how it is done.

My dog is awesome.  She is so smart.  In just a few short weeks she has learned why we go outside and now waits to go outside.  In fact, last night she was pacing by the door and we realized that she was signaling to us that she needed to go out (the first time she's done that).  And, sure enough she did need to go out.  Also, during the night if we don't hear her, she will just go right inside the front door, so we've started to leave a puppy training pad there and she uses that.  No more messes in the house.  Yeah.  That was so much easier than I thought it would be.

My poor little Ella is sick today.  I could tell yesterday that she wasn't feeling well - when she tried to do her homework she was really frustrated by it and just started crying.  That's really not typical of her and I wondered if she was not feeling well.  Sure enough, she awoke at 4am with a fever.  So, she's home on the couch today.

I've gotten a lot of grief for taking my kids to church in the last few years. I've gotten grief about the chapel at seminary. I've gotten grief in random churches in New York. Select people are hospitable and kind, some even telling us how grateful they are that we bring our children to church. Others simply glare at us whenever there is an unwelcome noise. And others go so far as to "shush" us or ask if our "children are going to be this disruptive all the way through the service."

My kids are certainly not quiet, contemplative, placid children. How could they be? I'm not a quiet, contemplative, placid person. We are loud, wiggly, boisterous people. I do my best to help make worship the most positive experience I can for both my children and the people around me. I let my son bring his Gameboy with him to church, giving him something tactile to do while he sits through a service filled with songs that he can't sing and activities that seem to make no sense to him. I bring crayons and coloring books for my daughter, who will pariticpate in various parts of the service, but needs something else to do while the rest of the service is happening. But, still, they are children. Sometimes they tell me they need to go to the bathroom (rather loudly) during the quietest moment of the service. Sometimes they ask for something that I deny during the service (like drawing pictures in the hymnals, for example) and this causes them to protest. Sometimes they just wiggle around and accidently make noise: knocking books on the floor, kneelers being lifted or dropped, legs banging into hollow pews.

I often find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do I indulge their every request during worship so as to make it the most peaceful and quiet event possible? Do I attempt to require them to participate in the service (especially Nicholas who just tunes it all out), even when it makes him angry and loud? Do I scold and harrass them for every noise that they make during the service, leaving them (and me) feeling miserable about being in church? Or, do I not even bother to bring them because it is just such a bad experience for us most of the time?

There are exceptions to this experience. The Sunday evening service in the chapel has become a refuge for us. The community that gathers is small and most of the people at that service understand the exceptional nature of my children, especially Nicholas. They are gracious in allowing us to find our path to participation there. There are a few other churches where we've been, St. David's in Ashburn and St. Timothy's in Mountain View, that have created services specifically for families and children. These are places where my children can actually pariticpate because the music is simple (but not childish) and the service includes plenty of opportunities to wander around and often to touch things. When visiting San Antonio, I went to a delightful church, I think it was St. Andrew's, and when I went to take Ella out during the sermon because she was fussy (she was only 9 months old at the time), an usher stopped me and told me not to leave. She said that their rector could preach louder than any baby could fuss and they didn't want me leaving the church just because Ella wasn't perfectly quiet.

But, I constantly wonder why having a good experience in church with my family is the exception and not the rule. Why do we exclude our children from worship? Why do people think that worshipping in a community is supposed to be a quiet, contemplative event for them personally? (I mean, really, if you want to meditate quietly, why not stay home and do it?) Why do people seem to experience children in worship as a burden and not a joy? And why, oh why, is worship so boring, even for the adults!, that it is horrendously boring for the children? Why can't worship be fun and joyful?

I came across an article today in the December issue of Episcopal Life and discovered that the author writes a monthly column for Literary Mama. The article is called Cradle Christian and I think the author captures for me exactly how I feel about bringing my kids to church. My kids might not look or act like they are paying attention, but they are. They see and hear and feel all that happens in church and they are learning our faith just by being there. It is my sincere hope that they will also learn that church is a place where people love them and where they can always feel safe, though, sadly, that hasn't always been the case.

Well, the GOEs are finished and now I'm totally useless. I putzed around the house yesterday - ordering groceries, cleaning up some of the clutter, paying some bills. Today I answered some emails, made some travel plans, putzed around the house again. Nicholas was home sick, so I spent some time sitting with him. But, I haven't done one stitch of real work. I took a contract job for this three weeks and I have plenty of time to get the work done, but I'm finding it hard to get motivated to get any work done. I sit down at the computer like I am going to work, but then I start reading blogs and looking through email and doing all sorts of other things besides work. I figured yesterday that I just needed a day to transition. But, today was a total waste too. Got to figure out how to motivate myself to work.

When I worked my first contract job, the first winter break I had at seminary 2 years ago, I couldn't wait to start working. I was dying to have my hands and my brain in the technology world again. I called into conference calls and talked to former colleagues. I got to think creatively and contribute to building a real product. It was so fun and energizing for me. But now, in a way, it kind of feels like a chore. I know I need to do it because the money is so helpful, but it just feels a bit off track to me these days. I tell myself that it is good for me to engage in a world outside of seminary and the church, just to remind myself that not everyone sits around everyday and wonders whether or not there are any acts that are intrisically evil.

Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow I'll get up and get stuff done. There won't be any kids at home. I don't have any other appointments are lunch dates. Just going to work. Really. I mean it this time. I totally will.