Julie's News from Maryland

I stopped by the kids' new elementary school this week to enroll them for the fall.  I filled out all the paperwork they needed - emergency forms, general information forms, a language form, on and on.  I brought with me identification to prove that we do all exist - birth certificates, immunization records, two proofs of address.  The office staff was very polite and helpful.  As I was walking out the door, I remembered doing that for Nicholas when we arrived in New York.  I had this very surreal moment that somehow my life (and maybe even my kids' lives) would contain these strange markers of school enrollment as we go from one place to the next.

Enrolling in a new school is sort of stange to me.  As a child, I went to exactly 3 schools: public school for kindergarten (because the catholic school didn't have one), St. Mary's of the Assumption for 1st-8th grade, and then St. Joseph's High School for my four years of high school.  I never really went to a "new school."  In fact, I went all the way from 1st grade to the end of High School with about 20 of the same kids.  Granted, we had other kids that came and went from our core class, but the rest of us did the whole thing together.  So going to a new school and having to make new friends is a totally foreign concept to me.

Though, the kids starting in a new school means that we as a family start in a new school.  In New York, it took almost the entire 3 years we were there to really get to know people and feel like we were part of the school community.  In our last year there, Rick started volunteering to do things and we finally felt like the staff knew who we were when we were on the property.  Going to a new school means that we'll have a new staff to meet, new parents to get to know, and new kids to learn about.  I hope that we do a better job of getting connected to the place more quickly here than we did in New York.  I suppose we'll see how that plays out.

As I was walking to my car, I imagined the next time that I will do this for my kids.  What will that parking lot look like?  How big will that school be?  Will we feel as positive about that school as we are feeling about this one?  It is strange to be thinking ahead like that, especially since we just got here 2 months ago, but still, there it was - all these questions about what it will be  like the next time we do this.

Tonight, while I was up in my room working on a document that I'm writing, Nicholas called to me to tell me that there was a squirrel on our deck.  I went downstairs to join him in his observation of the squirrel and learned that he had already opened the door to talk to the squirrel.  It would seem that this squirrel was not at all frightened of us, since it just stood there a few feet from us staring at us. 

Nicholas and I decided that it must be hungry, so we offered it some cat food.  The cat food was my suggestion - I thought it not very healthy to give the squirrel crackers or bread as Nicholas suggested, but the cat food bowl was nearby.  Nicholas grabbed a few pieces and tossed them in the direction of the squirrel.  It scampered over to the food with enthusiasm, but after sniffing the cat food decided it wasn't hungry enough to eat that.

Nicholas and I proceeded to have a conversation about what we could offer the squirrel.  He thought bread might be ok.  I wondered aloud if we had any apple slices in the fridge.  Then I remembered that we had grapes on the table.  Nicholas ran over and brought a few grapes back.  We tossed one towards the squirrel and it landed right in front of it.  The squirrel sniffed the grape and then picked it up and began pecking at it.  It became obvious that it would be a bit of work to eat the grape, so the squirrel decided to take it somewhere else to eat it and scurried away.

After the squirrel left, Nicholas thought maybe we could leave a few more grapes on the patio, in case the squirrel came back, so we did that.  Then he said that maybe every Tuesday we could go out on the deck and feed the squirrel.  Every Tuesday.  I found that so fascinating that in his head a squirrel would return regularly, on Tuesday apparently, to be fed grapes.  We've never seen a squirrel on our deck before and I don't imagine that there is much guarantee that it will happen again - well, it is probably more likely now that we've fed one.  Once word gets out to the squirrel community that grapes can be had on our deck, we'll probably have a flock of them daily.  But, I digress.  I think I said something to Nicholas along the lines of, "Well, we don't know if the squirrel will come back next Tuesday, but we can keep an eye out for it."

Later in the evening, when I was tucked back in my room working again, I overheard Nicholas telling Rick about the squirrel and the grapes.  As he concluded the story I heard him say, "Mom and I were thinking that maybe every Tuesday we could go out and feed the squirrel on the deck."

You know, I'm not really a clergy collar wearing kind of gal.  I have come to see how the collar can be important in specific situations when people need to easily identify the clergy in the room, like in a hospital or in church on Sunday morning.  The collar is a uniform that helps people know what role that person is playing in a given situation.  For example, when I was doing my chaplaincy internship in a hospital, when I responded to a Code Blue emergency everyone that attended had a uniform: the doctor was in a white coat, the respitory therapists were in blue scrubs, the nurses were in scrubs of their own choosing, etc.  Because I did not wear a collar (I wasn't ordained at the time), people did not know why I was there; I kept having to explain my purpose to the situation.  In contrast, when our supervisor arrived in a collar, everyone knew why she was there and introduced her to the family so that she could care for them.

As a result of my understanding of the collar as uniform, I really limit the times that I wear a collar. I just don't see the need to wear the uniform everywhere I go, though I know that some clergy choose to do that very intentionally (and with very good reason).  So far, I have really only worn it to my ordination and to church on Sunday, but last week I happened to wear it in public for the first time.  After church, Rick and the kids, and I went to breakfast at a local IHOP restaurant (don't you just love their pancakes!).  It was quite an interesting experience to be in my collar out in the world at large.

As we first walked into the lobby/waiting area, a young woman was sitting with her friend on the bench.  Once she saw me, her eyes never left me. She watched me walk across the room to give our name to the hostess, and then back across the room, and as I sat down with the kids - her eyes were glued to me.  Naturally, being Sunday morning, the restaurant was packed.  As I followed the hostess to our table, out of the corner of my eye I could see heads turning to look at me as I walked by.  I had the strange sensation of being a tennis ball.  Then, it happened again as I crossed the room to the rest room and back. 

I thought maybe it just had to do with the particular time and place where we were and that maybe being with my family had something to do with it too.  But, nope.  It happened again yesterday.  After attending the funeral of my friend's grandmother, she and her brother and I went to lunch at Friday's.  She and I were both wearing our collars.  As we approached our booth, a woman sitting in the adjacent booth began to stare.  She watched us as we approached, and then turned to look at us as we sorted who was going to sit where.

As I think about it, I'm sure that I've stared at folks in all types of uniforms, especially the ones that we don't see in the grocery store or in restaurants very often.  Certainly I've looked twice at people in military uniforms or at doctors wearing their scrubs.  I know that I've taken a second glance at nuns and monks when I see them wearing a habit.  I guess I just never realized that when everyone is doing that, it is really a strange experience for the person wearing the uniform.

A few years ago, around the time we invaded Iraq, I stopped watching television news.  Everytime I watched it, I felt like I was being assaulted by sensationalist stories that didn't necessarily have anything to do with the truth.  I had just had a baby and was already overwhelmed with emotions, so the distress and sadness I experienced each time I watched the news was just too much.  Shortly thereafter I moved to print news, mostly print news on the web.

I have several sources of news.  I found that reading the news helped me to absorb as much as I was able at any given time.  Reading news stories felt less intrusive to me emotionally and I could skip any stories that seemed like they might be too upsetting.   Plus, it is my perception that writers are slightly less concerned about ratings and advertising dollars than their television counterparts.  That might not be entirely true, but the stories feel less dramatic and more factual and that helps.

Recently, though, I've found myself avoiding more and more stories. Today I came across two news headlines that I just couldn't bring myself to read.  The first, "Pope Praying for Anglican Church," just looks like trouble to me.  Heck, it was just last week that the Vatican "regretted" the Church of England's decision to consecrate women bishops.  I can't imagine that I'll be able to read this article without finding some reason to be offended and annoyed with the Vatican and the Pope.

The second, "Church Cancels Teen Gun Giveaway," just makes me shake my head. When I saw that earlier today I just knew that it couldn't be good.  Just the headline makes me shake my head and wonder what people are thinking, can you imagine what the details will bring?

So, I commend these to you.  Maybe you can read them and not find yourself feeling pessimistic about our world.  As for me, I think I'll go read something fun, maybe a movie review or the new Opus cartoon strip on Salon.

A few weeks ago, I got an invitation to join a group on facebook called "Praying for Lambeth."  I accepted the invitation and promptly forgot about it until the organizer of the group sent an email today.  Turns out that 605 people from around the world have joined the group so far, which is great.

The message from the organizer asked us to start praying today, even though the conference doesn't start until next week.  Folks are already arriving for preconference meetings and many people will begin their travel in the next few days.  She included the following prayer for us to say until Aug. 4. 

Loving God, some of our bishops have been involved in legal actions over issues our Church struggles with. Some have endured personal attack, discouragement, bewilderment. Some have found themselves in the midst of civil unrest and war. Some have experienced rejection and persecution. Many are going to Lambeth feeling fragile, fearful, anxious, wounded. Help them see themselves as You see them. Help us see them as You see them. May we speak lovingly and gently about all bishops, even those whose views differ from our own. May they do likewise about one another. May grace and holiness permeate our Church so that the world will see us as You call us to be--loving one another in thought and action. All this we ask through your son, Jesus Christ. Amen.

The Rev. June Maffin
From the Lundi-Lambeth prayers written for Lambeth 1998

Please join us in prayer as the bishops meet. I know that the conversations will be difficult and that many have already been hurt in this process.

I think I'm supposed to be happy that the Church of England finally approved a resolution that would allow the consecration of women bishops in England, but after reading the article, I find myself less than enthusiastic about what they are doing. I mean, criminy, women have been in ministry for thousands of years - anyone heard of Eve, Sarah, Ruth, Esther, Mary, Martha? What's the big deal about the Church of England finally figuring out that women are an important part of God's creation and that we've been given unique gifts and blessings that allow us to multiply God's blessing in the world?

Yesterday was my first Sunday as Associate Rector at my new job.  I made it.  I survived with no major difficulties.  Whew.  I even preached both services and no one said anything awful about it - at least not to my face.    Actually, people were really wonderful.  Everyone in the parish is being very kind about helping me remember their names - always saying them to me again when we meet, which is so great!  Several people even put their name tags on to help me, which was very thoughtful.  I got very positive feedback about my sermon - people were particularly complimentary about my preaching style.  They appreciated that I preached from the step (not behind the pulpit) and that I don't use notes.  I am fortunate that I was taught to preach that way and have a reasonably natural ability to speak in public without being terrified, so I'm glad that this congregation reacted positively to that approach.

Today I looked through my health insurance options.  Honestly, you practically need a master's degree in health administration to be able to follow all of the forms and the various complexities of each plan.  Basically, I was trying to figure out if it would save me money to move from the HMO to the EPO (sort of a middle ground between the HMO and the PPO).  You see, most of the doctors (psychiatrists and psychologists) that are qualified to treat Nicholas are "out of network" doctors.  In fact, many of the exceptionally good private practices and "Study Centers" that treat kids like Nicholas don't even take insurance.  So, I was hoping that if I moved to the EPO, I could use the out of network benefits to cover some of the costs of Nicholas' treatment so that I don't have to pay for them completely out of my own resources.

How do other people do this?  I am fortunate in that I'm able to make the money that our family needs to cover this incredible expense, but I can't imagine what it would be like for a family that wasn't able to do so.  I can't imagine that medicare covers mental health services for kids like Nicholas.  It is just so sad that we haven't figured out a way to provide proper medical care to everyone that needs it without it having such devastating financial consequences.

Because what you should really do at midnight the night before you start your new job is smack your middle toe on the edge of the hope chest while walking through the bedroom in the dark and break your toe.  Yeah. That's helpful.  It really lends itself to a restful night's sleep and gives you all the motivation you need in the morning to get yourself out to your new job. 

It was a dark and stormy night....It would seem that those words are fitting for most nights in Maryland.  As I sit here, I watch flashes of light from the lightening illuminate the living room, and then hear the crackle of the thunder a few seconds later.  Almost every evening that we've been here there has been a thunderstorm at some point in the evening.  So far I haven't minded very much because I've always been settled at home.  I wonder how that will change as I find myself attending events and meetings in the evenings.

Speaking of attending events and meetings in the evenings, I start my new job as Associate Rector at St. Martin's-in-the-Field tomorrow.  I will be hitting the ground running as I have a sermon to write for Sunday.  I've already started doing some research for the sermon, but I am finding it slightly more challenging than the last sermon that I wrote, sigh.  The last one almost wrote itself in just a couple of days; this one seems to be a requiring a bit more of me.  Strange how that happens, some seem to practically write themselves, others require various degrees of effort and brain space.  I never know which it will be - always an adventure.

So far, I think I am feeling pretty good about starting my new job.  I'm excited about having a job and a routine again.  The past few months have been fairly chaotic - moving, traveling, ordination, more traveling.  I've felt disconnected from anything solid and life has had a nomatic quality that makes me a bit uncomfortable.  I'm looking forward to having a reasonably regular routine that will add some structure to our family life.

I'm also really looking forward to getting to know everyone at St. Martin's.  I met quite a few people when we were here in May and I'm so excited about getting to know people.  The parish seems to be so enthusiastic and very faithful - I think we are going to have loads of fun together!